Canada Is Scary: Fargo TV Station Investigates Our “Unwalled Northern Border”

Canada: a paradise of frolicking moose and flowing maple syrup. … Or so you thought.

Tonight, on the eve of Election Day, Fargo TV station Valley News Live is airing a special report on the “dangerous people and deadly drugs” flowing into this country from our neighbor to the north, Canada.

The report will come from chief exaggeration correspondent Bradford Arick, whose hits include “Refugees will infect you with tuberculosis” and “Your child will be crushed like a watermelon by a soccer goal.”

A promo for tonight’s story says Bradford will delve deep into “what is coming across the unwalled northern border and you’ll meet the men who are our only line of defense.”

I guess no women work border control.

The story will also attempt to answer the question, “What’s stopping terrorists from walking into the US just a few hours from Fargo?”

For fuck’s sake, somebody get Bradford some Xanax.

The station’s record shows it will do anything for ratings. Bradford even pimped out his wedding proposal for some on-air attention.